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10 September 2008 @ 09:18 am
Falling down  
The last two nights I've been having really awful dreams. vivid, realistic and awful dreams. It doesn't help that I've needed sleeping pills to put me to sleep because of all the stuff that's on my mind. That could be the catalyst to the dreams. I just always wake up in a gloomy mood and go about my day.

I want to make something clear. I'm not sad because Patrick and I are doing this whole "We aren't seeing each other thing for a little while." To be honest, I think it's a good idea. The distance is good. I feel like when we were long distance (which was the beginning)things were better. Regardless of all that, We did speak all the time. and we never left talking to each other on a bad note. And that's all I miss. I miss talking to him. I miss just knowing that he is there. And now he isn't. I honestly feel shitty and alone. I can't talk to my friends because well they are mostly guys and they don't understand. I can't talk to my mom because she will just tell me 'I told you so.' I can't talk to anyone. i just have to put up a front, walk around all day doing what I need to do and then come home and cry.

I have this feeling that he wants to break up with me. I understand that he just entered real college life and he probably wants to experience it with no ties. I'm not trying to tie him down. I give him space and I'M NOT CLINGY. I was told that he called me that and I have NEVER been called that by ANYONE. I am not that kind of person at all. It's his choice to be around me when he has. No one put a gun to his head or guilted him into it. He has made his choices on his own accord.

I'm going to end up broken hearted and alone. I'm just waiting for the day he talks to me to tell me these things.
I have to go to work.
Current Mood: lonelylonely