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18 July 2008 @ 05:47 am
I can't sleep due to a monster in my mind  
I said to myself that I would stop. I would just trust him because he has given me no reason not to. It was there. In front of my face.

I don't want to get into more detail...I just know that if someone really loved you they wouldn't let you leave their house crying. They wouldn't let you hurt that much. They would try and make things better, not sit there with a helpless look on their face. They would find a way to make you stop worrying. They would be open and honest. They would not just think a kiss, hug and quiet "I love you" would stop the tears. They wouldn't give you any reason to worry.

I just know someone that loved you the way they say they do wouldn't put themselves in situations that they could later regret (ie. hanging out with ex girlfriends at all hours of the day/night...sexual tension rarely goes away)

The knots in my stomach won't let me sleep anymore. I'm up and today is his birthday. I don't want to ruin it. I probably shouldn't even see him. I know it will be hard to hold back tears.

If this persists I will be another notch on his belt. another conquest. I can't do this to myself anymore. I find myself crying more than I smile.

I know I worry and create shit in my head...but if in the beginning I had no worries or concerns I would of never felt this way to begin with. I would never fathom it.
I feel stupid and naive.

I just want to feel better. I want to be sure that I won't hurt like this. With him I have been given no guarantees because words are not enough. Actions speak louder than words.
 
 
Current Mood: sadheartbroken